In love again

When my first daughter was born, I discovered a pure, unconditional love that I never felt before. It was, and still is, an intense love that knows no limits. I never imagined that I could ever love another human being with the same intensity or same pure love that I feel for my first daughter....until I met my second daughter. Now I know that the heart can grow to include love for other children. And now, I am twice blessed.

Another angel is born

Sydney Olivia
Born March 31, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
8 lbs. 10 ounces
20 inches long

March 30 - 11 pm: Started having contractions that every 15 minutes that eventually went away so I went to bed.

March 31 - 9:30 am: Got out of bed to get ready for my OB-GYN appointment and as soon as I sat up in bed, my water broke. Just a huge gush of water that wouldn't stop.

10:30 am: Registering at labour and delivery when my water continued to gush. Nurse confirms that I'm not going anywhere and admits me into labour and delivery. Admitted into labour and delivery and hooked up to all sorts of monitoring machines and IV. Nurse noticed some meconium and doctor decided to give me pitocin to speed up labour.

2:00 pm: Contractions getting really strong and hard. Nurses couldn't find my cervix! Eventually they did and told me I was only 2 cm.

4:00 pm: Contractions really painful. Nurses checked me again and I am 4 cm. I finally agree to get epidural.

6:00 pm: I realize that I still have significant feeling in my legs despite the epidural and what little of the epidural that is working is wearing off. I ask for more but they say I can't have anymore as they want me to "feel the pain and pressure" so I can push. Contractions are really painful and long at this point. It was almost unbearable and I cried during every contraction. Nurses check and say I am 8 cm dilated.

@6:45 pm: I feel extreme pain and pressure to push. Nurse checks and I am fully dilated and baby's head is "right there." Doctor is called and I am instructed to start pushing.

@ 7:27 pm: Sydney Olivia is born. I felt every inch of her movement down the birth canal and I felt her head, shoulders and body come out. The most intense and unimaginable pain I have ever experienced but I completely forgot it all after I saw her.

@ 7:30 pm: Doctors confirm she did not inhale any meconium and she is given an APGAR score of 9/9. Thank God!

Thank you, Lord!

The genetic counselor called me this morning and gave me the best news ever: my baby's tests came back normal! My baby's chromosomes are normal!! She also told me that we are having a girl! Makayla's wish for a baby sister is coming true.

I immediately called my husband and told him that the results came back normal. Then I called my siblings and parents to let them know that our prayers had been answered.

I thank you, Lord, for your many blessings!

A Mother's Worst Fear

I received a call from the genetic counselor on Monday regarding my second trimester Triple Screen test, which seemed to indicate a higher than normal chance of Down Syndrome for my baby. She told me not to worry and told me I can get an amniocentesis to diagnose for DS. I can't sleep at night. I have cried and prayed. I have called everyone I know and trust, hoping for some advice on whether to get the amnio done or not. I have discussed it with my husband and he places the decision squarely on my shoulders.

I know, in my heart of hearts, that I will love this baby, no matter how he or she turns out. I believe I can deal with a baby with Down Syndrome. But my husband is not so certain and I can't blame him. Raising a child with a disability is a major thing.

After much prayer, advice-seeking, and a lot of research, I finally decided to go ahead and have the procedure done. Early this morning, my husband and I drove silently to the hospital for the test. The nurses who greeted us were very friendly and helpful.

When it was time for the test, my husband and I were ushered into a small room furnished with an ultrasound machine and a stretcher. The doctor smiled and introduced herself and her nurse helped me onto the stretcher. On the ceiling directly above me were pictures of handsome Hollywood men and a poster of a sandy beach and a palm tree. The doctor told me to relax and just stare at the pictures on the ceiling. She took ultrasound images of the baby and told her nurse that I had an anterior placenta. After a minute of examining my baby, she took out a very long needle and told me to relax. "This won't hurt at all," she said before she plunged the needle into my belly. She had lied to me: it hurt and I lost my breath.

My husband could see I was in pain and started rubbing my arm. I feared for my baby at that moment. Will the doctor accidentally poke her with the needle? Can my baby feel my anxiety? Will he or she be OK?

After they finished taking out the requisite amount of amniotic fluid and pulled the needle out, the doctor smiled and said, "That's it! You're done. Do you want to see your baby on the ultrasound screen?" I don't remember what I said but she started pointing out the baby's backside, feet, side profile and cute little fingers. Then I was ushered out of the room and brought to a recliner, where I was required to sit for at least 20 minutes. I was anxious, in pain, worried and racked with guilt. What have I done? Have I risked my baby's life?

Now it is just a matter of waiting for the results. I don't think I will be getting much sleep tonight.

Twelve weeks pregnant: The Sweetest Sound

To an expectant mother, the sweetest, most beautiful sound is the sound of the unborn child's heart beat. The sound of galloping horses helps to temporarily ease the anxieties one feels about a work in progress, one whose finished product remains unseen until many months of "ifs" and "maybes". And nothing is more beautiful than seeing that fetus moving about on an ultrasound screen, its little limbs pumping and a tiny blinking circle signifying a strong, beating heart.




This time around, Bob and I had Makayla along for the experience. She has been eager to see "her" baby after months of kissing it through my slowly expanding belly. While I imagine she expected a Kodak-style image, she nevertheless "oohed" and "aahed" along with her father as the image of "her" baby flashed on the ultrasound screen. The technician graciously pointed out to us the baby's tiny toes and fingers and its beautiful beating heart.

Having my daughter there for the experience brought back memories of my first pregnancy. I will never forget the first time I saw Makayla, then an 18 week-old fetus, on the ultrasound screen. It was something I had never experienced before and one I found awe-inspiring. And now, as I look upon the ultrasound photo of my second child, God's work in progress, I cannot help but be amazed by God's power again. The fact that a cluster of cells has grown into a recognizable human fetus in a matter of weeks is nothing short of amazing. How can one look upon the miracle of life and not believe that there is an intelligent, divine being behind the intricate design? I don't know. I, for one, give God the glory and praise for what he has created, and what he continues to create, in this my child.

Blessings and Gratitude

I am officially entering my second trimester of pregnancy. Unlike my first pregnancy, it has not been an easy pregnancy thus far. I have had pretty severe morning (noon and night) sickness, dizziness, fatigue, and mood swings. Prescription medication for the "treatment" of morning sickness has proven to be only slightly beneficial. I am uncomfortable in my own skin and outgrowing my clothes rather quickly. I find myself crying upon watching bank commercials and episodes of "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" and craving obscene amounts of cheese. Despite all the nausea and discomfort, I feel blessed to have this little one growing inside me. I feel blessed to have the ability to give my daughter the sibling she has been asking for. And, on top of it all, I feel so blessed to be married to a man who has stepped up to the plate when I couldn't even get out of bed. My dear husband does the dishes, laundry, the house cleaning and takes care of our daughter. He drives me wherever I need to go when I can't drive myself because dizziness or nausea have overcome me. He goes out of his way to fetch me the exact type of food I am craving at the moment and he looks the other way while I stuff my face with cheese and anything covered in cheese.

I am so grateful for my husband and the way he has shown me how much he truly loves me. I need his support now more than ever - this pregnancy is wearing me down - and he has been there for me when I have needed him the most. I love you, Bob, and thank you for all you do for me and Makayla. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

First Ultrasound

I am 10 weeks pregnant. I was able to see my little peanut today. He/she is merely a little peanut shaped thing in my giant uterus but the best part was when the doctor said, "And here's the heartbeat." It was reassuring to find out that there was a heartbeat and it was strong.